Part I
Chapter 1
Mindfulness means paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, with qualities like compassion, curiosity, and acceptance.
You will discover how to live in the present moment in an enjoyable way rather than worrying about the past or being concerned about the future. The past has already gone and can’t be changed. The future is yet to arrive and is completely unknown. The present moment, this very moment now, is ultimately the only moment you have. Mindfulness shows you how to live in this moment in a harmonious way.
Mindfulness has been around on earth for a long time, and it is about: Awareness, Attention, Remembering (to pay attention to your experience from moment to moment).
Here's an example: Say that you want to practise mindfulness to help you cope with stress. At work, you think about your forthcoming presentation and begin to feel stressed and nervous. By becoming aware of this, you remember to focus your mindful attention to your own breathing rather than constantly worry- ing. Feeling your breath with a sense of warmth and gentleness helps slowly to calm you down.
The author explained how you can react to the present moment Non-reactively. Normally, when you experience something, you auto- matically react to that experience according to your past conditioning. For example, if you think, ‘I still haven’t finished my work’, you react with thoughts, words and actions in some shape or form. Mindfulness encourages you to respond to your experience rather than react to thoughts. A reaction is automatic and gives you no choice; a response is deliberate and considered action.
You are also to respond Non-judgementally. The temptation is to judge experience as good or bad, something you like or dislike. I want to feel bliss; I don’t like feel- ing afraid. Letting go of judgements helps you to see things as they are rather than through the filter of your personal judgements based on past conditioning.
Also included along these 2 items is being Openheartedly (compassion and kindness), and paying attention, and being in the PRESENT moment.
Meditation is paying attention in a systematic way to whatever you decide to focus on, which can include awareness of your thoughts. By listening to your thoughts, you discover their habitual patterns. Your thoughts have a massive impact on your emotions and the decisions you make, so being more aware of them is helpful. (NOTE to SELF: I can see how this really ties in to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and our thoughts).
You can choose to meditate using any of these: your breathing, any one of your senses, your body, your thoughts and emotions.
Mindfulness helps us focus on what we're doing. Our thoughts are always racing, and sometimes they distract us from enjoying the present moment.
Mindfulness focuses on accepting the feeling of anxiety rather than fighting it, and then change will naturally come about. Acknoledge = acceptance, NOT giving up.
Ultimately in meditation, you realise that you don’t need to search for anything at all. Everything is okay just the way things are. You’re already home. Each moment is magical, new and fresh. Each moment is a treasure never to be repeated again, ever. Your awareness is always shining, lighting up the world around you and inside you effortlessly. Awareness has no off or on switch – awareness is always effortlessly on. Although you experience ups and downs, pleasures and pain, you no longer hang on to things so much, and you therefore suffer less. This isn’t so much a final goal as an ongoing journey of a lifetime. Life continues to unfold in its own way and you begin to grasp how to flow with life.
Something quite helpful to remember as far as mindfulness, is your body continues to exist without you even thinking about it. Breathing, heart beating, hair growing, nails growing, cells doing their thing. You are just existing.
Chapter 2
There are many benefits of mindfulness. Relaxation, better mental and emotional health, and an improved relationship with yourself and others.
The aim of mindfulness isn’t to make you more relaxed. Trying to relax just creates more tension. Mindfulness goes far deeper than that. Mindfulness, a mindful awareness, is about becoming aware and accepting of your moment- by-moment experience. So if you’re tense, mindfulness means becoming aware of that tension. Which part of your body feels tense? What’s its shape, colour, texture? What’s your reaction to the tension, your thoughts? Mindfulness is about bringing curiosity to your experience. Then you can begin breathing into the tense part of your body, bringing kindness and acknowledging your experience – again, not trying to change or get rid of the tension.
The author shared the story of the cracked pot Link to story
By purposefully connecting with one of your senses, say, touch, you begin naturally to calm your mind a little. In mindfulness you can begin by focusing on your breathing. Focus on your belly stretching or your chest expanding or perhaps the movement of the air as it enters and leaves your body. By focusing on a particular sense, in this case the sense of touch, you’re focus- ing your attention. Rather than your mind wandering wherever it pleases, you’re gently training it to stay on one object, namely your breathing.
Emotions make a huge impact on your thoughts. When you’re feel- ing down, you’re likely to predict negative things about you or other people. When you’re feeling happy, you’re more likely to think positive thoughts, predict positive outcomes and look upon the past in a positive light too.
By taking some time to meditate, you’re giving yourself the opportunity to stop and look at all these incessant thoughts and emotions that come and go, and discover who you really are.
Great article for highly sensitive people and mindfulness Link to article
Chapter 3
When using a definition of mindfulness, it includes clarifying the intention, which is: paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgementally.
What’s your intention? -->Mine is to be less judgemental, see how God loves us all and how I want to see the world like that, including myself. When I read about the observer, for me, I see this as my SOUL. My soul is inside my body. My brain is a part of my body. Illness, pains, my environment, culture, traumas - all affected my body in different ways. Some good, some very bad. When we die, our soul is freed from the cocoon, and we are left without all of these physical things (incessant thoughts, memories replayed by our brain, traumas that affect my thinking, cultural judgements, religious biases if any, etc) and we are just left with the soul as it is. My goal with mindfulness is to try to focus on my soul, by thinking about God's love for us, including myself. I want to be as kind and non-judgemental as I can, with all.
Mindfulness isn’t a quick fix. You need to practise mindfulness on the good days and the bad ones – on days when you feel things are going okay, as well as when you feel anxious, stressed or depressed. Mindfulness is best cultivated slowly.
You can judge problems in life as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, but you’re not really seeing the big picture. No one knows what’s going to happen next, and things may turn out to be okay. Try to keep an open mind in both your apparent fortune and misfortune.
Commitment involves discipline, and it is very healthy to do so. Make mindfulness a HABIT, like brushing your teeth. It takes time, be kind to yourself if you skip, and focus on what you have done.
Your goal is to be more mindful, which means more attentive, more compassionate and more positive emotionally.
Chapter 4
This chapter will focus on the ATTITUDE part of mindfulness. When it comes to attitude, you have a choice. If your attitude is, ‘I don’t know how it’ll go. I’m going to give it a good go and see what happens,’ you’re prepared for whatever arises.Attitudes can become habits; both good and bad habits. Attitudes, like habits, aren’t easy to change. You need to work to improve your attitude.
Try to be non-judgemental towards your answers. See them as just the way things are. If you can’t help being caught up in thinking, ‘That’s good’ or ‘Oh, that’s a really bad attitude, what’s wrong with me?’, notice that too. Your mind is simply coming up with judgements.
Acceptance turns out to be one of the most helpful attitudes to bring to mind- fulness. Acceptance means perceiving your experience and simply acknowl- edging it rather than judging it as good or bad.
By acknowledging the feeling, thought or sensation and going into it, the experience changes. Even with physical pain, try experimenting by actually feeling it. Research has found that the pain reduces. But remember, you’re not acknowledging it to get rid of the feeling. That’s not acceptance. You need to try to acknowledge the sensation, feeling or thought without trying to change it at all. Pure acceptance of it, just as it is. Maybe even relaxing into the discomfort. One way to relax into the discomfort is by courageously turn- ing to the sensation of discomfort, and simultaneously feeling the sensation of your own breath. With each out-breath, allow yourself to move closer and soften the tension around the discomfort. If all this acceptance or acknowledgement of your pain seems impossible, just try getting a sense of it and make the tiniest step towards it. The small- est step towards acceptance can set up a chain of events ultimately leading towards transformation. Any tiny amount of acceptance is better than none at all.
You need to know and accept where you are before you can begin working out how to get to where you want to be. Paradoxically, acceptance is the first step for any radical change. If you don’t acknowledge where you are and what’s currently happening, you can’t move on appropriately from that point.
In the realm of emotions, the quickest way to get from A to B isn’t to try and force yourself to get to B, but to accept A. Wholehearted acceptance leads to change automatically.
When you experience the state of the beginner’s mind, you live in a world of fascination, curiosity, creativity, attention and fun (where children raised in a loving home naturally are). You’re continuously discovering and looking out with the eyes of a child. You’re in ‘don’t know’ mind. When you think, ‘I know what’s going to happen’ or ‘I know what the breath feels like’, you stop looking. You don’t know what’s going to happen, you just think you do. Each moment is fresh. Each moment is different and unique. Each moment is the only moment you have.
Try not to compare, conceptualise or condemn. When this happens, try to let it go – as much as you can – and bring your attention back to the here and now, the present moment, as if you’re engaging in this for the very first time.
TRUST: Without trust you won’t be able to see that this is just a temporary experience which, like all experiences, won’t last forever.
Curiosity: How can you develop curiosity in meditation? I’d say, by asking questions.
Letting GO: You’re always letting go of each breath of air to make room for the next one. This last example shows that you naturally know how to let go all the time, in one sense. Remember this the next time you’re struggling to let go. Letting go isn’t something you do. Letting go is about stopping the doing. To let go of something, you stop holding on to it. The first step is to realise you’re holding on to the object in the first place.
Developing KINDNESS: Trust, Kindness, Patience, Non-Striving, Beginner's Mind, Non-Judging, Curiosity, Letting Go, Acceptance.Heartfulness is giving attention to anything that you can perceive with a sense of warmth, kindliness and friendliness, and thereby avoid self-criticism and blame.
Kindness to Self: Listen to any negative thoughts or emotions in yourself. Perhaps you’re habitually critical of yourself for having thWish the person well. If someone has hurt you, counteract that with some loving-kindness meditation. Wish the person well just as you may wish yourself or a friend well. a sense of warmth and kindness to your anger, jealousy or frustration. Listen to yourself com- passionately as you would to a good friend – with care and understanding. What happens?
Gratitude: You’re grateful when you’re aware of what you do have rather than what you don’t. The effect of this is an opening of the heart. When you’re aware with an open heart, you’re in a deeper mindful mode.
Forgiveness: Of yourself, and others. Now you can move on to forgive other people who have hurt you. You’ve been hurt by many people through their words or actions, knowingly or unknowingly. They’ve caused you suffering in your being to different degrees. Imagine the ways they’ve done this. Become aware and feel the pain others have caused you and allow yourself to let go of this sadness from your heart with the words: ‘I have been hurt by others many times, in many ways, due to the pain, sorrow, anger or misunderstanding of others. I’ve carried this suffering in my being for longer than enough. As far as I’m ready to, I offer my forgiveness. To those I’ve hurt, I forgive you.’
Remember: Trust, Kindness, Patience, Non-Striving, Beginner's Mind, Non-Judging, Curiosity, Letting Go, Acceptance.
This story is an ideal of the attitude I want to strive for: Once there was a little girl who was ill. She needed a blood transfusion but had a rare blood type. The doctors searched for a blood match but to no avail. They then thought of testing her younger, six-year-old brother, and fortunately he was a match. The doctors and his mother explained to the boy that they needed his blood so that they could give it to his sister to help her get better. The boy looked concerned and said that he needed to think about it, which surprised them. After some time, he returned and agreed. The doctors laid the brother down on a bed next to his sister, and began transfer- ring some blood. Before long his sister began to get better. Then, suddenly, the boy called the doctor over and whispered in his ear, ‘How long do I have left to live?’. The boy thought that by giving blood, he’d die, which of course he wouldn’t. That was why he took some time to decide before saying yes to giving his blood to his sister.
Chapter 5
There is a difference between the DOING and just BEING mode.
DOING mode is: you are aware of how things are, and how they should be, have a goal to fix, try hard to get to goal, actions happen on autopilot, you're not in the present moment. It is very unhelpful in emotional difficulties. Sometimes negative thoughts are just on autopilot, and you may not even notice it.
The BEING mode: conscious of your physical, emotional and psychological state of mind – you’re in being mode. You connect with the present moment, acknowledge and allow things to be as they are, you're open to pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral emotions.
Think of your mind as like the ocean. The waves rise and fall but the still, deep waters are always there underneath. You’re tossed and turned in the waves when you’re on the surface in doing mode. The waves aren’t bad – they’re just part of the ocean. Going further down, the waves of doing rest on the still waters of being, as shown in Figure 5-1. Being is your sense of who you are. Being is characterised as a state of acceptance, a willingness to be with whatever is. Being is tranquil, still and grounding.
Experience itself is neither doing nor being mode. You determine the mode by how you react or respond to the experience. Doing is getting actively involved in the experience in order to change it in some way. Being is simply seeing it as it is. That lack of fixing can result in a sense of calmness even when things are tricky.
Switching from doing to being doesn’t require years of mindfulness training. It can happen in a moment. Imagine walking to work and worrying about all the things that you need to get done, and planning how you’ll tackle the next project with the manager away on holiday. Suddenly you notice the fiery red leaves on a tree. You’re amazed at the beauty of it. That simple connec- tion with the sense of sight is an example of being mode. The mode of mind changes by shifting the focus of attention to the present moment. You’re no longer on automatic pilot with all its planning, judging, criticising and praising. You’re in the present moment. Even something as seemingly mundane as feel- ing your feet in contact with the ground as you walk is a move towards being mode too. Changing modes may not seem easy at first, especially when you’re preoccupied by thoughts, but it gets easier through practice.
The real WORK is in identifying when you are in DOING mode, and taking little breaks to enjoy the BEING mode. Because we all need to get stuff done, but you should always be able to FOCUS on the present (being.)
Example of FLOW experience: As you carry out a task you’re doing it for the sake of itself. If you’re driving your car to get home as fast as possible to have your cup of tea, you’re not going to be in a flow experience. If you drive to simply enjoy each moment of the journey, that’s different. You can feel the warmth of the sunshine on your arm, appreciate the colour of the sky whilst sitting in traffic and marvel at the miracle of the human body’s ability to do such a complex task effortlessly. You’re in a flow experience.
Dealing with emotions in BEING mode: Set your intention, feel the emotion, de-center from the emotion, BREATHE.
Live in the moment: Focus on what you're doing (senses), reduce activities that draw you out of the moment (too passive), establish daily mindfulness practice, look deeply at how one little thing, like a book, took SO many people coming together to make it - gratitude also in there.